The Dutch are seen as impolite when compared to people of other nationalities. This is the most important conclusion that can be drawn from two polls among expats.
Radio Netherlands Worldwide asked 1200 Dutch people living abroad about their views on politeness in their home country. The same questions were put to 300 expats in the Netherlands in a poll carried out by Expatica.com and Ruigrok|NetPanel, a website targeting foreign residents. They were also asked about the manners of people working in particular occupations, such as bus drivers and receptionists.
The poll held in the Netherlands itself showed that people who work in the Dutch service industry, like waiters and shop employees, did not get high marks for politeness. Civil servants - workers who expats have to deal with often when they first move to the country - also get low marks. One respondent observes that the Dutch are more polite in their homes than in public:
"I think that is due to their Calvinist background. They believe everyone is equal and thus are not comfortable serving others."
Expats in the Netherlands praised the manners of receptionists, doctors, nurses and policemen, though they felt that all of these groups are actually more polite in their home countries than in the Netherlands. The only group they considered rude in their countries of origin are teenagers.
The longer expats reside in the Netherlands, the more rude they find people to be. One respondent who has lived in the Netherlands for more than ten years comments:
"I don't think the Dutch will accept criticism. Since I have been here the Dutch have become quite intolerant. Sadly, the wonderful country I came to love in 1995 no longer exists."
Forms of politeness
In one respect, all the expats agree with one another: courtesy is an important element of civilisation. Almost all (97 percent) believe this. But what is courtesy or politeness? According to expats in the Netherlands, the most important forms of politeness are:
- Saying 'thank you'.
- Offering to help others when you see they're experiencing problems.
- Waiting in line.
- Not throwing rubbish on the streets.
- Holding the door open for those coming after you.
Straightforward
Expats are not completely negative about the Netherlanders. One American respondent says:
"The Dutch can be too straightforward saying-it-as-it-is. I have come to appreciate that the Dutch put their thoughts out on the table for discussion, and more often than not, they say what they mean and mean what they say. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for most Americans. Americans, in general, will go out of their way to let someone down gently because they do not want to hurt feelings or cause bad situations."
The Dutch expat
Radio Netherlands Worldwide put research questions to more than 1200 Dutch people living outside the Netherlands. These Dutch expats are dissatisfied with the behaviour of their compatriots. A majority (55 percent) find the Dutch to be less polite than other nationalities. They also say that Dutch society has become ruder since they left the Netherlands. Since moving abroad, 55 percent of the Dutch expats say they have had to learn new forms of politeness. Nevertheless, most respondents claim that they have never had misunderstandings with the local population over manners.
Change?
Both the expats in the Netherlands and the Dutch expats hope that this research will give the Dutch a useful insight into their own behaviour, which sometimes comes across as rude.
"I hope that the expat community is not presenting itself unfavorably", says an expat living in the Netherlands.
"We do have to realize that our habits and norms may not be the same as those in our country of residence. That's part of the reason we came, to experience different cultures."
Another expat hopes that this research has not been carried out just...
"to show how dissatisfied 'buitenlanders' (i.e. foreigners) feel, but also to help in the progression of unity in living. The Dutch love to say 'go home to your own country then', but that is not a solution. The Netherlands is not an island and the Dutch also live all over the world."
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Tags:
Breeding,
Dutch culture,
Dutch expats,
Dutch manners,
Expats,
Manners,
Politeness,
Rudeness
MJG,
10-10-2008
- The Netherlands
I've lived in Holland for seventeen years now. I have to say it's a very different place than back in the 1990s. That could be because I am older too though. Coming from England it's quite a culture shock see how direct the Dutch are. However, depsite the English tendency to politeness I also find that the level of random violence in Holland is far lower than that of England.
Out of all the places I have lived in the Netherlands, I have found Amsterdam to be the most sociable. I now live in The Hague and it's very boring. The Dutch tend to have a very strong work/family ethic which gets in the way of making friends with them. Even after seventeen years and speaking Dutch fluently, I still have yet to make one Dutch friend! All my friends come from a variety of countries and ethnicity and I am unable to explain how I don't have a single Dutch friend.
I often find myself ill at ease in a predominantly Dutch group and I guess I get tired of having to explain myself. (The Dutch are very intolerant to ambiguity and I feel like I am being pigeon-holed.)
I have experienced teaching both Dutch and international students, and the difference in general attitude, maturity and intelligence is quite shocking. I'm not talking about young teenagers, but young adults in their early twenties. They seem very spoilt, rude, intolerant and completely demotivated to study. I often have to resort to disciplinary measures which I just think is pretty sad when teaching people in their early twenties. I simply don't have this when teaching international students.
That being said, I would like to remark that these are my general impressions and in no way should people take them as fact. Everyone should form their own opinions before listening to someone else ;)
JC,
02-08-2008
-
I am a no-nonsense, direct, logical type so when I came to live here in the Netherlands, I right away felt at home. So with that, I really have no problems with the Dutch. I don't see much between this politeness brouhaha. What makes me worry is when people are "too polite" as I value sincerity, being forthright, and keeping a sense of individuality more than saying the ritualistic "good morning" in the lift and "thank you". Surely, I would not change myself just because people think I am not polite enough? I doubt the Dutch would too. Up to some extent the "nobody cares" mentality is very common but for someone like me who puts individuality high up on my charts, I surely love it. "Mind your own business" and "I dont care" works best for me. Selfish isn't it? Yes, and I like it that way. I guess the Netherlands is not for weak people.
But then again, this rudeness thing is not just in the Netherlands. I've traveled far and wide and have encountered ruder people and situations (at least in my own definition).
NMA,
29-07-2008
- NL
"I think that the "buitenlanders" simply do not understand Dutch people. Frankness and honesty are held in high regard in Dutch society and that is often seen by foreigners as rudeness."
is a pathetic excuse to justify the unacceptable. I have not seen any expat treating locals as shit or inferior, it is rather the other way around. Equality is just not realistic. It is nothing wrong with giving priority in lines or buses to pregnant women or handicapped persons!
But in Amsterdam it does not happen!
Saying Good morning, how are you ? or have a nice weekend isn't fake ! it s just pleasant and nice. It is pleasant to have considered people around who don't take your feelings for granted and pretend you just don't exist! something the average dutch tend to forget!
Yes Dutch people are rude, impolite and always have their ready opinion or give unpleasant comments and remarks any time they can! " ah you're late it's your own fault, you should have left earlier"
It has nothing to do with the language either.
I know dozens of foreigners who even got criticism after inviting Dutch people in THEIR home! This not been frank, just nasty unpleasant and ungrateful and terribly bad educated. Just a lack of manners. Manners and respect are the base of living together in Western society...and when I note a comment about someone saying peeps in Bolivia are rude...i mean come on we are talking about occidental countries!
Is the NL a third world??? i don't think so!
So Dutchies just acknowledge your mistakes and reckon when you are wrong and get your shit together!
amsgal,
21-07-2008
- Netherlands
I've lived in Amsterdam for over 5 years now and the longer I live the harder I actually find it. I don’t think Dutch value honesty. Coz if they did, I would not have my money stolen from me - by the real Amsterdammer, frequently overcharged/taken a long way in a taxi, or been regularly short-changed. If it were genuine mistakes, I wonder why was it never to my benefit?
I don’t like the way they stare at me inquisitively, at a tram, metro, or on the street. It's a relieve to go abroad and find people actively avoiding staring.
I did not appreciate being shouted at by a tram conductor during my first week here for insisting I wanted to go somewhere they did not know about.
I realise its got a bit far but now I try not to leave the house if I don’t have to. As I felt I was being taken advantage of/abused because of my personality-always smiled, now I leave the house wearing the same rude, inquisitive look the Dutch do. I also learnt never to say sorry. That just PROVES!? You’re the guilty one.
I have lived in few other countries before coming here with my partner. But I just can't cope with here. Though I do have one very good Dutch friend..
Brian,
20-07-2008
- Australia
The Dutch certainly make a lasting impression and I love them for that. They are up-front and very direct. The reason for this is because they are like an open book: everything is there on the page. When "the book is closed", the Dutch have stopped expressing opinions and life becomes less interesting. I think Dutch people like to get a reaction and gain some pleasure from seeing you "on the closet" or over-reacting! But on a few occasions, I have found my feelings devalued during more personal interactions whilst in Holland. This is the great cultural challenge and is the point where some consensus has to be negotiated between people. The Dutch could give a bit more ground in this area. The Nederlanders are still amoungst my favourites.
Carlos Borjal,
18-07-2008
- USA
The Germans don't care where you come from as long as you know how to say "kraut and wurst". They're happy.
Usual suspect,
17-07-2008
- Germany
All that doesn't sound too different from Germany.
Nadia,
17-07-2008
-
How often did you start speaking in English just assuming The Dutch will speak English back to you and then being annoyed if your question is not understood? And how often did the Dutch come to your aid when you did try to speak your version of Dutch? Just two questions put out there to make some people think about how to put certain things in perspective. I am Dutch and I have never lived abroad, but through my job I speak to at least 8 to 9 different nationalities every day, I have expat friends and my boyfriend is German.I have to agree with most of what was said in the comments here; I too noticed the impatience and rudeness of many service providers, be it at Town Hall, in a restaurant, a taxi or a store. I can get really mad and annoyed with these people, but when I am treated friendly and nice I also make an effort mentioning this specifically to the person. I believe complaining is not always the best way to go forward, but giving some positive feedback often can do much more. So I suggest we all stop complaining about how rude the Dutch can be and let's see what we can change with focusing on the positive rather then on the negative. It works for kids and dogs, so why would it not work for Dutch adults.
Shailesh,
16-07-2008
-
Dutch are indeed impolite and even rude sometimes as if everybody else they are dealing with are inferior to them. They can even go on saying most stupidest thing as if it is proud matter.
It has got nothing to do with culture else Dutch would have been removed from mother earth they are less in number anyways. I think it is more to do with individuality there are some good Dutch also, but in this era of globalisation it is better if Dutch start behaving the way they should be as nobody is going to tolerate them anymore. At least not me.
Sam,
16-07-2008
- U.S.A.
The tolerant Dutch have been taken advantage of, and perhaps their rudeness is a reaction to this situation.
Amsterdam is perceived as the whore house of Europe, full of prostitutes, gays, and drug addicts. Radio Nederland supports this perception through their programming.
Immigration has been allowed to go to the extreme.
What reaction would you expect from the average citizen?
z,
16-07-2008
-
When for example at a family diner table relatives of my Dutch partner start openly discussing my facial features and dismiss them as not being "typically Russian", but "rather more like ..." and get carried away with this discussion, I do find it AWFULLY rude. But they don't even notice that they are rude!
Not even to mention that many Dutch talk about others in 3rd person when discussed people are present, blowing their noses on public etc. These are things that are considered rude anywhere from Urals to San Francisco!
bugs,
16-07-2008
- Netherlands
Its interesting that so many foreigners in the Netherlands have the same impression of Dutch manners, despite the fact that these foreigners also come from diverse countries and cultures. As a 'buitenlander' [foreigner] in the NL I have found this to be one of the issues most common to expats. That says something doesn't it? I agree that directness can be good, and I am a direct person myself and value that trait in others. However I make a distinction between directness (with empathy for others) and downright rudeness, it is very easy to spot the difference, and unfortunately rudeness is what we we find here. There is a lack of gentleness in the Dutch culture found in public places, I think this is one of the barriers experienced by foreigners here. It has nothing to do with being direct and a lot to do with respect. Also it is completely incorrect to suggest that the Netherlands in any way has anything resembling a 'service culture'! Having watched my Dutch husband spend agonising hours on the phone (at 10 cents a minute no less!) to utterly unhelpful customer service staff, I find it impossible to accept that customer service, as the rest of the world knows it, exists in the Netherlands. Luckily there are enough other things I like about living here to make life interesting :-) Manners and service however are not among those things.
Melanie,
15-07-2008
- Netherlands
A BIG Positive for the Dutch: when they say they love you, there is a high chance that they really mean it :) I'm Dutch and I do recognise myself a bit in the critics. Yesterday I thought how great it is to call services in Canada; they are so friendly and patient! For real or fake, it does feel good! Still, politeness is a culturally phenomenon. More or less polite seems to be judged in these kinds of surveys by people from western countries, or those living a more high standard lifestyle. For instance my personal experience is that the chance of being treated badly is high in New Delhi and Bolivia were I had my far most impolite experiences. I do think that the 'rude experiences' are in many cases caused by differences in culture, though it can still feel pretty nasty. I also noticed that when I don’t understand people - like I had in Tibet it felt best! We just smiled and laughed not knowing why :) and believe me Tibetans can be very rude too!
Carlos Borjal,
15-07-2008
- USA
I think people have a tendency to misread being cautious as being rude. It’s very rare to see people take on to strangers very easily, it’s not like you’re bosom buddies at first sight. But people employed to serve the public should show some semblance of courtesy or at the very least be diplomatic even if they don't mean it. Just like in any major cities in the world you’ll find the rudest people in a cosmopolitan setting, but hey, life goes on, you just have to accept it for what it is. I find The Netherlands reasonably friendly, I should not expect anything less, I kind of like it there. I think people will treat you according to how you conduct yourself.
dbf,
15-07-2008
- Netherlands
The Dutch indeed seem to lack courtesy, manners and respect of people they don't know personally. I have lived here over 10 years and am still surprised at how self-centered and rude the average person is. Even going to the supermarket here is a horrible experience, as people don't look where they're going, bang you with their carts and just keep on as if nothing happened with a glazed zombie look in their eyes. I do not consider NL a civilized country anymore. I think it's a combination of Calvinism, overpopulation/lack of space, and the lack of boundaries they receive as children.
